Spider-Man: Homecoming

• There will NEVER be a better Spider-Man film than Sam Raimi’s “Spider-Man 2”. You remember that one, right? Tobey Maquire? Alfred Molina as “Doc Ock”? THAT ENDING. THAT DOC OCK CREATION SCENE. THAT ELEVATED TRAIN SEQUENCE? THE HEART AT THE CENTER OF THAT STORY??? That FILM WAS SO PERFECT, the reigning film critics of that era (who grew up on masterpieces of cinema like Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia and Sunset Blvd) gave it an INCREDIBLY STELLAR cumulative grade , and this was BEFORE bonafide nerds took over film criticism. Shut up, nerds! Anyway, EVERYTHING worked so extremely well in it that it’s nearly impossible for them to make something better. And if you go into this one thinking it WILL be better, then you will be disappointed. It’s best to just go in with a fresh mind and forget that Raimi’s second Spidey film even exits. So now…

• I consider myself a “Spidermanologist” (which may sound pretentious to you, the fair reader, but you’re on MY site and you’re reading MY review, so deal with it [I love you, you know that right?]). I say that because I’m passionate about my favorite fictional character ever, and can speak at long-winded length about him and his various adventures. THIS REVIEW WILL BE LONGER THAN NORMAL, so just grab a soda and sit back for a while.
• Speaking of his adventures, the Spider/Peter life has always been full of different ones that affect him in many different ways, from romance to revenge, from finances to family to fighting fiery foes. It’s a bit of a discredit to the overall story to try and cram so much of that into just one long movie. It slows the pace to have so many sub-plots going at the same time and prevents things from truly breathing and growing organically.
• Speaking of cramming too much, how are there SIX credited screenwriters on this? That’s not a good sign, and with too much going in this, it feels like WAY too many cooks in the kitchen. The greatest films have one, two or three credited screenwriters at the most.
• Why is it so hard to just have one villain in modern comic book movies? See my “letting things breathe” example above. Why are studios giving us SO MUCH in one movie? I don’t need it. I’ll happily give you my money multiple times if you just make your movies shorter and more focused, it’s not a problem! Don’t shove a buffet’s worth of food on my plate when all I want is a damn cheeseburger combo.
• Because of the reasons above, the movie feels quite imbalanced. The main vibe is “John Hughes-ish teen-movie” which IS a part of Peter’s life, but the movie is missing the HEART of Tobey Maguire’s movies. Also, with all that’s going on, we kind of get robbed of Michael Keaton truly fleshing out his villain.
• Speaking of Tobey Maguire, his Peter was SPOT ON. But he and Raimi forgot the humorous side of “Spider-Man”, which they NAILED in the Andrew Garfield version…only they made his Peter too cool and not nerdy at all. Tom Holland (your current Spidey) was GREAT in Captain America: Civil War; written and directed with precise knowledge and stunning accuracy. Here, the SIX writers made him feel kind of whiney.
• Whereas Raimi’s movies attempted to recreate the tone of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, this movie feels very current with trying to be “modern teen comedy”.
• (deep exhale)
• Love that this wasn’t ANOTHER version of his origin story.
• There are two pretty spectacular action pieces in this.
• The suit he wears in this might be the best cinematic version of it yet. And I loved the Vulture costume design.
• The SIX screenwriters (I’m not gonna shut up about that) actually wrote some pretty dang good dialog in this movie.
• The score to the movie is just “eh” except for the one they use during the Marvel Studios intro (pay attention).
• They do infuse some popular tunes into it that work within the context of their respective scenes (Thanks, Guardians of the Galaxy).
• There’s one sequence in this movie that was a pretty iconic one in the comics, which was nice to see.
• Hellllllooooo Marisa Tomei!
• HELLLOOOO Marisa Tomei wearing 70’s clothes stolen out of the Three’s Company wardrobe department!
• Hey, it’s Garcelle! Helllooo!
• There’s a FANTASTIC animated sequence during the end credits.
• Who doesn’t enjoy a flat sandwich? I sure do. Squish it. Squish it good.
• I know I kept bringing up the second Raimi film even after I told y’all to forget it exists, but I feel I have to because it creates context for a story that’s been brought to us 6 times within 15 years. Now, after having said all that, this is still a pretty dang entertaining movie.
• Final Letter Grade: A-

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  Jose Zuazua is editor-in-chief of Quick Lunch Break Reviews. He has an associates degree in film production. He’s on Twitter and Instagram.